It's been another long stretch between posts, and I'll be the first to say that it is downright unacceptable. You deserve much better than this, and I am committed to bringing you a more reliable product here at the Lair. Listen baby, it's not you it's me. We've just grown apart. If you love something, set it free, then if it comes back to you it was meant to be.
Obviously I'm going to need a little time to reconnect with my inner smart-alec, but in the meantime just put on your Snuggie, fix yourself a glass of wine, and microwave some tater tots. You just do whatever it is you've got to do to prepare for the latest installment of The Oak Lair.
A lot has happened over the last month, but I really only intend to talk about the movie premier that shocked the nation...and Lost Nation. The highly anticipated remake of Children of the Corn introduced my hometown to the world on September 26th, and left me feeling that it wasn't as much a horror movie as it was just a horror of a movie. That's exactly what I expected though, and I can't wait to watch it again.
Fast forward to this weekend, and this is where the smattering of autumnal activities happens. Saturday the almost god-like Iowa Hawkeyes tore into Madison, sat the Badgers down, took attendance and proceeded to hand out a hard lesson about Hawkeye football. "You will learn by the numbers!" they instructed.
Today was lovely as well, as we...
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
Reflections on Basket Lake
With only sky above and water below, the only reminder that you are a civilized being is a softly puttering motor that eases you across a gently rolling lake. Serenity now. The waves tenderly lap at the side of the boat as you scan the shore trying to identify anything that may have looked different a billion years ago. Pass the sunscreen.
That pretty much sums up the week I just spent in Canada in pursuit of the elusive walleye. I was fortunate enough to be invited to by a couple family friends to fish with them on beautiful Basket Lake in Ontario. We arrived at camp last Saturday afternoon and immediately began pulling tender, unsuspecting walleye from the depths.
Truth be told, it required a little more cunning this year than it has in the past. Evidently the summer temps were a little screwy this year, so as a result, the fish behavior was a little less predictable. Generally when fish are found at a certain depth in one area it can be assumed that they can be found at that same depth across the lake. Our experience was a little different, so we needed to use every available tool to gather as much fish data as possible. They play their game, we play ours.
The orienteering was a big part of the fun for me. It's satisfying to acquaint yourself with unfamiliar territory by considering things like gps coordinates, heading, time, wind direction, water depth, temperature, shoreline features, etc. It's probably the same satisfaction people got from naming constellations...the organization of something that seemed random. There were places like Gull Rock, Three Sisters (or Destiny's Child), Fran's Island, Ray's Bay that people had already named for reference. Catching the fish really just seemed to confirm that we knew how to use the information, because we'd just reel 'em up really fast, unhook 'em and whip 'em back into the water. It's like, "Yeah, I found you and tricked you. I just wanted you to know that."
The weather was fab all week. In fact, the last time they saw more than two nice days in a row was like back in June, so we were very fortunate to be able to do this comfortably. Ten hour-a-day fishing is much more fun when you're not sitting in a puddle, and that's really how I prefer to remember Canada. I don't want to remember the nine-hour drive through desolate, boarded up towns, or their goofy road signs, although we did see a sweet sign that said something like, "Use of seat belts is compulsory". Wacky Frenchies.
That pretty much sums up the week I just spent in Canada in pursuit of the elusive walleye. I was fortunate enough to be invited to by a couple family friends to fish with them on beautiful Basket Lake in Ontario. We arrived at camp last Saturday afternoon and immediately began pulling tender, unsuspecting walleye from the depths.
Truth be told, it required a little more cunning this year than it has in the past. Evidently the summer temps were a little screwy this year, so as a result, the fish behavior was a little less predictable. Generally when fish are found at a certain depth in one area it can be assumed that they can be found at that same depth across the lake. Our experience was a little different, so we needed to use every available tool to gather as much fish data as possible. They play their game, we play ours.
The orienteering was a big part of the fun for me. It's satisfying to acquaint yourself with unfamiliar territory by considering things like gps coordinates, heading, time, wind direction, water depth, temperature, shoreline features, etc. It's probably the same satisfaction people got from naming constellations...the organization of something that seemed random. There were places like Gull Rock, Three Sisters (or Destiny's Child), Fran's Island, Ray's Bay that people had already named for reference. Catching the fish really just seemed to confirm that we knew how to use the information, because we'd just reel 'em up really fast, unhook 'em and whip 'em back into the water. It's like, "Yeah, I found you and tricked you. I just wanted you to know that."
The weather was fab all week. In fact, the last time they saw more than two nice days in a row was like back in June, so we were very fortunate to be able to do this comfortably. Ten hour-a-day fishing is much more fun when you're not sitting in a puddle, and that's really how I prefer to remember Canada. I don't want to remember the nine-hour drive through desolate, boarded up towns, or their goofy road signs, although we did see a sweet sign that said something like, "Use of seat belts is compulsory". Wacky Frenchies.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Football
Yesterday there was an opinion column in the sports section that (if you could get through the sarcasm) torched fans for being too forgiving when it comes to superstar football criminals. One of his points of contention was that a product like this should no longer be available.

I don't know, it's the dog's jersey. Has anyone asked him if he likes it?
So he basically goes on to say that as long as people are entertained and the business of football is still making money, everyone's willing to grant second chances. Personally, if I had to go to prison I'd probably ask everyone to keep their judgement to themselves, because as it turns out, a judge actually passed all the judgement needed.
I'm spread way too thin the way it is, so instead of getting wrapped around the axle with Vick, Favre, Plax or whoever, I'm going to try to just be the best fantasy coach I can be.

Monday, August 17, 2009
Woodstock; A Retrospective

Never in history has there ever been a larger group of people assembled for the sake of music, love and grubbiness than there was in Bethel, NY in August of 1969. Little did these gathering crowds realize, there was to be a great plentitude of all of the above.

Woodstock was one of those moments in history that continues to be heavily romanticized, as if the paragon of human existence was achieved through soggy sleeping bags and copious amounts of drug use. To be part of a herd of 400,000 people just roaming the hillside doing as you please sounds kind of awesome to me at first, but when I imagine being at the center of that mass of shiftless hippies and then realizing I forgot to turn my oven off or something...holy moly. The scenario I choose to fantasize about is one where I bring truckloads of those chemlight necklaces back in time and reveal them at dusk, right when everyone is totally rolling on acid. The Who would play second fiddle as everyone's gaze is fixed upon my mystical wares. From then on whenever someone would mention Woodstock the next thing said would be, "Oh you mean when that guy had those glowing necklaces?"
Even without the necklaces it would've been pretty awesome to take in some of those groovy tunes, even if some of the lyrics were unintelligible.
Birthday Greetings from Joe Cocker - watch more funny videos
"Hey dad, I'm bored...and curious about what we're supposed to do for three days."
"We're gonna need another sludge pot heated up over here!"

"Hey, does anyone have any earplugs!?"

"...Because I'm a voodoo chile....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."
Monday, July 27, 2009
Good Clean Livin'
You know what makes a good container for empty beer bottles? An empty diaper box.

Also, it's worth mentioning that we forgot to put out our recycling last week, so I really only drink half this much, so don't judge me. By the way, did you see how much milk we drink? Strength to the bones, punishment to the liver...that's what I always say. Always.
See disparity.
Also, it's worth mentioning that we forgot to put out our recycling last week, so I really only drink half this much, so don't judge me. By the way, did you see how much milk we drink? Strength to the bones, punishment to the liver...that's what I always say. Always.
See disparity.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Lightning Awareness
Is it possible to be too careful around lightning? Before you answer that, take a minute to view this shocking video. It's a far more effective means of heightening awareness than any collection of lightning statistics I could present you.
Check out this guy if you're still not convinced.
Check out this guy if you're still not convinced.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Viewer Request
Yesterday I received a video request from a dedicated viewer who wanted to see a tribute/montage of the celebrities that have passed in the last week. My initial response was, "Whaddya think this is... TRL?!" The seed had been planted though, and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to lay down yet another topical and poignant mash up of youtube vids.
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